UCP changing its name to SFA party

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With an eye towards increased “transparency”, Mr Kenney, as premier of Alberta has decided to rename his political party from UCP to SFA. The sweet fudgey all (SFA) party is committed to the following:

  • mindless tweets celebrating Flames and Oilers wins
  • “stern” letters to justin turdeau whining about how unfair it is for Ottawa to continue stealing money from Alberta since the dawn of creation
  • continued illogical restrictions with the goal of bankrupting all small business owners, especially restaurateurs who dared to defy the SFA
  • continued illogical restrictions to increase the suicide rate and deprive Albertans of physical exercise except for 15-minute excursions outdoors
  • increased kidnappings of Albertans who arrive home from the airport to be held at undisclosed locations until they are “re-educated”
  • mandatory mask usage until the 2nd coming and mandatory vaccination using untested vaccines after shipments arrive from china
  • increased corporate welfare including funding for the brilliant green line in Calgary
  • further subservience to Alberta Health Services and legislation forbidding freedom of choice with respect to private healthcare
  • deification of Deena Hinshaw with numerous gold statues of her placed throughout the province
  • acceptance of the “great reset” and all UN initiatives

This concludes this public service announcement. Jason Kenney thanks you in advance for your unquestioning acceptance and adherence to all his rules. You are now permitted to watch the state broadcaster (CBC radio or television) for the rest of the day.